Bonus/Boner Minutes

All mysteriously yet judiciously plastered across Final Times, to be displayed in a few days (you did visit the Home page before coming here, right?)

Acquiring the first will result in faster “official” finish times; acquiring the latter will result in slower “official” finish times. Both are intended for distribution only for those who actually finish before 10AM Sunday, although if a runner hasn’t already been stopped at Gridley Top for missing a cut off and finishes after 10AM, if s/he has accumulated enough Bonus Minutes, s/he may yet find hermself on the “official” finishers’ list.

(1) Bonus Minutes can be acquired by…

(a) participating in pre-event activities; or

(b) for those in town but just too wired/anxious and/or asocial to partake of such frivolity, visiting local touristy places, with brochures as proof, to help one momentarily forget the task at hand and maybe even relax for a bit; or

(c) for antics on the course between Start and Finish (those details explained as simply as these instructions when we see you at the pre-event briefing).

(2) Bonus Minutes for pre-weekend, non-group participation activities will be limited to 45/30 minutes, 100M/100K respectively (comparable to opting out of both trail opportunities on W/Th and missing the planned evening activities).

(3) Bonus Minutes can be increased based on level/value of participation. E.g., Bowling will yield Bonus Minutes, and bowling particularly noteworthily may yield still more minutes! As of yet, theoretically there appears to be no limit to the number of minutes one can acquire, tho practically you may as well just stay home and twiddle in front of the TV if you’re so easily distracted towards grabbing Bonus Minutes over just getting out to run.

(4) 100M’ers will earn 15 minutes per “incident” while 100K’ers will earn 10 minutes per “incident.” An “incident” is something that falls within those categories in para (1) above or (5) below.

(5) Boner Minutes can be earned across several opportunities, prime among them not paying attention to / responding in a timely manner to e-mails from the Two Moon Buffoon or other officially-designated Coyote Cohort (when such e-mails ask for your input); whining because your C2M experience isn’t the perfection you’d anticipated, from submission of your application through post-race issues (e.g., your drop bag for Gridley Bottom consisted of a Safeway plastic bag with your lucky “Final 15 Miles” socks inside, and somehow that inconsequential plastic bag just didn’t quite find its own way back to the Finish); making life difficult for any one volunteer; or generally just being a pain in the tush (that term open to many interpretations). So, f’r'instance, earn 45 minutes of Boner Minutes, and your 29:38 finish time quickly reverts to over 30 hours of slogging towards the Finish…

(6) Each volunteer will have Bonus and Boner Minutes to dispense at will, with only marginal limits on how many get awarded. If you can suck up to that many volunteers, and go nuts on pre-weekend festivities, just ponder how sweet it would be to see an “official” time that has you dreaming of actually winning, by at least a two hour margin, next year’s Monte Blanc. How you later relate the story of how you earned your reward is your business. And as the saying goes, “it’s YOUR log book, you can write anything you want in it…”

(7) Bonus/Boner Minutes are not negotiable, tho the B/B Bogeyman will certainly enjoy the entertainment of your argument.